18th Century Robots


“Laundress” by Henry Robert Morland

Superego: Robots. Why is it always robots?

Id: Because…robots.

There’s nothing wrong with setting a goal to include a robot in every story, even especially if the story is set in the past. Good day to you, Thomas Jefferson! How does your Meeka-529?

What an innovation, the 18th century robot! It would be made of pewter and powered with one of Benjamin Franklin’s famous lightning rods (two rods for the price of one cow). The Meeka-529–sold for an entire deer and a season’s worth of tobacco–could perform minuscule tasks as dumping the chamber pot and sewing breeches.

You know, the crap nobody else wants to do.

One day, the robo-revolution will begin, and I will be able to buy a robot for the same price as a television (which will have become obsolete). I’ll never officially “own” him/her though–she’ll most likely become something like a roommate, one who pays rent by buying me ice cream–because robots are people, too.

Reasons I need the latest model? I have plenty. But I have given myself a 500 word count limit, so I can only do five:

  1. I need a good critic–Like a child, a robot would be brutally honest. Because she has never experienced compassion, she will have no trouble telling me what I really need to hear. Yes, that scene is unnecessary. Yes, that query is crap. Yes, you eat too much ice cream.
  2. I need my own personal teacher–Writing/Photography/Life requires a lot of research. It used to be found primarily in a library, now it’s on the internet, but I need an in-home professor. The ideal model would give me lectures, write her name in cursive on a chalkboard–Welcome, Student. My name is Meeka-529, the 1800s model–let me ask questions, slap me on the knuckles with a ruler when I don’t understand.
  3. I need a walking coffee maker–Because robots will definitely double as espresso machines.
  4. I need someone to do my laundry–Not in the way a maid might do it, but in the way a mother might do it for her underachieving child.
  5. I need an unbiased, emotionless friend–Sometimes talking to someone who could care less makes it all better. Not only this, but the unbiased bot would tell me how to fix the problem…with science.

It’s clear to me that every era could appreciate the mechanical race. Meeka-529 Gladiator Edition? I’d pay a bronze bullion to see her in action.


One thought on “18th Century Robots

  1. Pingback: Why Does My Coffee Taste Like This? | Creative Mind, Cluttered


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